My First Failure
by sojirom
Summary: Lavi accounts his first meeting with Kanda Yuu


I remember my first failure.

My own past I vaguely remember, however it is written somewhere. I do know I took a test and was chosen; taken from my old life and given a new, better one. I was taken as an apprentice to become a bookman by a scary old man. He taught me many things, and trained me. He trained my memory, my body, and my mind: that was the hard one. Being unbiased, completely neutral is a lot harder than it sounds. My first few missions were easy. I simply didn't care. It was adult things I didn't completely understand so all I had to do was remember who said what, where, when, why and sometimes how.

I was seven and Bookman was troubled by taking me with him on a certain mission or not. He consulted others and in the end it was decided I would go to bare witness to an event that I may or may not have been ready to handle. Needless to say, I couldn't handle it; that is why it is counted as my first failure.

Bookman and I were asked to record the finally successful attempts of a group in Asia. Apparently they had spent nearly a century trying to complete their goal, and then they were successful, not just once but twice. We were to record how their testing went for the archives.

It was hot outside; the sun burned my skin and over heated my head. I complained a lot, or at least until Bookman swatted and scolded me, which preceded the rules of this mission. Importance of it, rules of being a bookman; same old speech before each mission, blah, blah, blah. He knew I had an excellent memory; there was no need to repeat it so often. He only closed his mouth when we reached the very dark and intimidating building, which was our destination. The doors opened and a person in a white coat began to talk. I could repeat everything he said, but what's the point? It was just salutations and more rules, only when we both agreed to him did he lead us inside. My first thought of inside the building was it's so nice and cool in here. That only lasted a few minutes, soon the temperature was much too cold, and I began to shiver. I could tell Bookman was cold as well, but he didn't say so.

After a long walk, we were granted hooded, white, jackets as we went into a large room called the Sleeping Chamber. It was colder than the rest of the rooms and the floor had large holes full of water and people. It was very peculiar; I didn't know what to make of it. It wasn't an actual stop, but just something to see as we passed by, and as I left I caught a glimpse of a young child moving out of sight as he watched us.

The next room was our destination. The walls where bright, but wires and cords snaked around them to the floor. In the center was a raised slab with magical circles painted across. We were pushed to a corner as a subject came in. It was a kid my own age, of maybe a little older. My first thought was she was cute and looked delicate, except for the listless eyes. Some scientists undressed the child, revealing her gender as actually male. My thoughts embarrassed me, but thankfully mind reading isn't possible. I watched carefully as they prepped the child, a few times he would take a glance at me. Some of the scientists did too, but I've been told in the past my red hair can be distracting. Even though most of it was covered, I'm sure some locks where visible. Either that or he knew I was a child too. Either way, I was feeling a sort of connection which was bad. It was against the rules as a Bookman, and as much as I tried to distance myself it was too hard.

The experiment began.

It was horrible.

Bright flashes and noisy.

And the screams. He screamed so much. I don't remember what they did to him. I was too distracted by his thrashing and pleas for relief. Bookman watched on with a stone face, but I could barely take anymore. Then it got worse. Beyond the yelling, the magic was tearing his body apart. Limbs broke away from his body and to the floor, blood sprayed the room. The screams faded.

I had passed out. I was in shock and awoke in a strange room near by. Apparently it wasn't for very long, and Bookman was angry; a bit at me for causing him to miss the end of the experiment, and a bit at himself for even taking me. Shortly after I woke up I began to recall the events. I vomited in a trash can.

The men began to have a talk with Bookman. Its tone was not a good one. I was pushed outside the door as they continued the talk. I was told to stay there, but I wanted to know what happened to the kid.

It wasn't long before I found him. He was holding himself tightly, curled up in a corner behind a pillar, crying. I might not had found him if it wasn't for his sobs, which echoed in that horrible place. I didn't know what to say to him. I just stood there. He looked up at me, angry.

"...I...um..." I fidgeted, "hi"

"Leave me alone or I'll kill you,"

"I..." I started to cry. I kept remembering his torture; I couldn't keep it in any longer. It must have startled him because he didn't look so angry any more. "I'm sorry,"

"Why are you crying? Baby," he snorted.

"I'm sorry," I tried to wipe away the tears but I couldn't. I fell to my knees crying before him, "It was so mean of them. Why?"

"..."

"I'm so sorry!" I cried. I ended up reaching for him, clinging, much to his disprovable, but he was much too weak at the moment to fight me off. I sobbed the most I had ever in my life. Once I stopped I sat back and just looked at him. "..."

"..."

"..."

"You have strange hair," he noted.

"I know," I choked up a laugh, "I think your hair is pretty,"

"Idiot," he blushed.

"I'm Junior, well, that's what I'm sometimes called by some people,"

"You sound like an idiot,"

"Bookman tells me that sometimes too," I laughed, "what it your name?"

"..." he paused.

"Come on, tell me," I pestered, "I told you mine, it's only respectful to tell me yours, right?"

"Yu," he blurted.

"How do you do, Yu," I held out a hand. He reluctantly lifted his and I took it. I was about to shake when he groaned, and some of his fingers fell off. I must have flipped out, because I remember apologizing profusely and him taking some sadistic pleasure in my stress. He held his fingers to his hand at his body bonded together. It was an amazing sight, albeit disgusting.

"Junior?!" Bookman called from somewhere in the building.

"I have to go, Yu," I pouted. "If I was allowed friends, I'd've like to of been yours,"

"You can't have friends?" he asked. I shook my head no. "Well, I don't make friends with idiots anyways,"

I smiled. "I hope I can meet you again some day," He ignored me. As I was getting up to leave, I leaned close to him and pushed my lips to his cheek. He turned pink and glared at me as I ran off to Bookman. "Bye, Yu!"

"Bye, Junior," he whispered, barely audible.

Bookman told me he would go back without me to get the information needed. I was to stay with someone else for that day. I never told him what I did. How much I've failed my mission. Passing out, was one thing, but making a friend, unthinkable.

It would be many years, but I did see him again. I don't think he remembered me. If he did, he didn't act like it. It would be nine years and an eye patch later so I didn't blame him. But I remembered him. My first failure.

::End::


End file.
